Why is WINNING a dirty word?

Saturday brought with it opening day of the Fall soccer season for my 5 year old. This season looked promising. At the one practice held prior to the season my son looked pretty good, drawing a post practice comment from the coach and leaving me wondering if he shouldn't have moved up an age level, since he is pushing six.

Game day was a disaster. Instead of my "6" year old dominating the younger competition, he stood, playing defense, or rather playing with his shirt tail and staring in our direction after any feeble attempt at getting involved in play. Thankfully the quarter ended and he came over for a drink. At this point I'm sure some of the surrounding mothers, his own included, thought I was the over zealous "sports dad". Believe what you will, but when it comes to my kids, I've learned to keep my competitiveness in check. I know my son, and a little tough love and old school coaching was in order. After I made sure he was good and mad, he headed back onto the field only to be sent right back to the sideline, he was sitting out the second quarter.

As I said before, believe what you will, but I'm not "sports dad", so after allowing him to "stew" a bit on the sideline, I went over and sat down beside him. I talked about how and why he needed to play to his potential and do his best, to which he responded, "It doesn't matter it's not a game...I mean it's a game, but nobody's keeping score."

I'll tell you how the game ended in a moment, but first I need to vent. What are we teaching our kids with these "don't keep score, everyone's a winner, self esteem, group hug, feel good about yourself" leagues? My son wasn't having his self esteem boosted, he saw no reason to play his best because it didn't matter. He was willing to coast through the game, with no idea of what he should be trying to accomplish or even why he should be trying to score a goal.

Part of developing our children should include developing their character. How does my son learn to be a "good winner" if he is not allowed to win? How does he learn to be a "good loser" if he never has to suffer defeat? I grew up in an era when every game, even the earliest Tee Ball games, resulted in a winner and a loser. I never felt poorly about myself because I lost a game, but instead learned to hate the feeling and strive to avoid it. Through losing, I learned the joy of winning, and the winning was something I wanted to have again and again. At ten years old I had a little league football coach who now seems to have been the embodiment of Mick, Rocky Balboa's manager. While his language may have left something to be desired, he had a desire to see us succeed. He got me, a 49 pound ten year old, to go head to head with 100+ pound 12 year olds. Yes, they were bigger than I was, but I held my own, because that was what was expected. You got knocked down. You got up again.

I've lived a blessed life with only a few bumps along the way, but like everyone, I've faced my challenges. Each time I find myself wanting to give in, I can't, I don't want to lose. The desire to be a winner has gotten me through troubled relationships, poor life decisions, and is a necessitate to survive in my chosen profession. The drive I learned on the courts and fields has been proven time after time. Let's teach our kids to be winners!

My son went back out and played goalie in the third quarter. He did the best I've ever seen him do. He missed one ball, giving up a goal which put the other team up 1-0. The fourth quarter found him playing offense. He scored 2 goals, moving the ball up the field like I knew he was capable of and the game ended with his team winning 2-1. On the way home I asked him whether it felt better to stand back and do nothing, or to score goals? He liked scoring the goals. He became excited when we informed him that we were keeping score, that his team had won, and that his two goals had won the game for them. I won't lie, it's a feeling I hope he enjoyed and one he wants to feel again. There is no shame in losing a well fought contest, but there is nothing that compares with a hard fought victory!