Anyway, to the point of today's blog. Under my blog's title, I added, "Because it Beats Running Scared". For some reason, running scared has crept into my consciousness recently. I've become more aware of my own mortality, and honestly, it is scary at times.Luke 6:42 (New International Version)
42How can you say to your brother,
'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see
the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye,
and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
In the last week we've learned of a 34 year old acquaintance with inoperable cancer and an estimated 6 months to live. A visit to a friend's blog tonight revealed a request for prayer for her little brother who has been diagnosed with cancer, and since she is, I believe, 29 for the second time, he's still in his twenties. Throw in the plane crash in Amsterdam and my six separate flights this week and I start getting antsy.
At dinner Sunday night, after we said a blessing and started to eat, my 7 year old starting asking us if we had any prayer requests. After we answered, he said, "OK dad, you pray." As I prayed I asked God to protect my family while I travelled, acknowledging that even when I'm home I must rely on his grace and mercy, because there is, despite my wishes otherwise, very little that I can protect my family from.
Now while this might sound great and wonderful, woohoo, "James is a great Christian who trusts God in all things", truth is, I don't like it. I want to be "bullet proof" like I thought I was when I was 20. I don't want the thoughts of "What if..." and "What would my family do..." rattling around in my head. I don't want to acknowledge that God is sovereign and that I'm not in control, because doing so scares me at times.
Truth is tomorrow holds no guarantee. My running doesn't guarantee me anything, my lifting doesn't mean I want grow weak, which reminds me that I saw one of the fittest guys I ever played softball against at the gym on Saturday, his boys were playing against mine. A degenerative back condition has stripped him of his once muscular physique and from what I've heard, came close to putting him in a wheel chair. "Could that be me?"
It's funny, I thought I had a point to make when I started typing this, but now I'm sitting here growing drowsy. Perhaps by putting my thoughts on paper I've exorcised the "demon" for the time being. I know it will be back. Perhaps Wednesday or Friday as the plane rolls down the runway. Perhaps next Tuesday as I kiss my sleeping boys goodbye before heading to the airport. Maybe it will stay away until I have tests run in April to check that some previous lab work doesn't point to anything serious. Who knows? It will be back, and when it returns, I'll tell myself and God, "His will be done." and then pray that my faith is sufficient that I really mean it.
1 comment:
James,
Your rant on Mohler is not much different that Christ's words to those who were outwardly religious. I think the problem wit Mohler is one of audience. If talking to believers, speaking of porn is a worthwhile endeavor- it warns, reminds, helps those who struggle.
When talking to the world-at-large, most will see no problem because they don't the spiritual "eyes to see." It becomes harmful to the message of Christ rather than helpful. It comes off as Puritan, anti-sex, etc.
As a friend who has his own blog wrote a number of months back, you just kind of want to say, "I'm not with him!" when guys like Mohler speak in that way.
Post a Comment