The title of this post is also the title of one of my favorite Alan Jackson songs. In the song he gives two examples, a young couple starting out with nothing and an elderly couple living out, presumably, their final years together. In the chorus he suggests that we are meant to spend our life in companionship with someone, or to wax poetically, "without somebody, nothin' aint worth a dime!"
The second verse of that song came to mind the other night as I left the rehab facility where my mom is currently staying. As my dad and I prepared to leave, he bent over and kissed my mom goodbye. Now while this might seem uneventful, let me explain my family a bit. We were not, and are not expressive of our love for one another in the sense of a lot of hugging and kissing or "I love you's". My parents didn't tend to display affection openly, and we all pretty much demonstrate our love for each other by "doing". In other words, we always knew dad loved us because he worked to provide for us, mom kept us fed and clean, and so forth.
Perhaps it would have remained an inconsequential thought that I kept to myself, except for the conversation with seventy-nine year old lady as I left the building. She was visiting her eighty-nine year old husband. Sprinkle in the number of aged spouses you witness sitting vigilant watch next to the beds at this facility, and one thing has become evident to me. I've got a lot to learn.
When we first meet someone, they can't do anything wrong, we are so maddenly in love, we either don't see or won't see the faults. In these older couples, I see an acceptance of each other's faults. Now that I'm in between these two points on the time line, my love for my wife is deeper than it was 9 years ago. I, presumably, have many years to enjoy her company. Yet I let the little things get in the way. You know, "Why isn't this shirt clean?", "Why can't we eat yet?", "Hurry up, let's go!"
A story, that someone who reads this sight related once, sums it up pretty well. Two elderly ladies were visiting together. One had recently lost her spouse. As they talked, the other began to relate how annoying it was that her husband left his dirty boots sitting in the door way. Her friend replied that she wish she still had to pick up after her husband.
I hope my exercising helps me to live a longer life with Jina, but if I don't learn to enjoy every part of that life now, I fear the burden of regret I will bear in the future.
1 comment:
I am amazed at how we often look at young couples and put them on pedestals because they appear to be so much in love. MTV’s Newlywed’s show was a prime example of how little we understand love. When you spend a little time in a rehab facility and see older couples caring for each other after 50 and 60 years of marriage, your perspective on love is certainly altered for the better.
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