You know, maybe I'm just griping and whining? Maybe other guys don't have a problem with it? Maybe I'm just not a good dad? Either way, I know of at least one guy who agrees with me.
OK, so What's my beef? Why would anyone want to be a dad? Why does it seem guys father children and then run the other way?
Well beyond the usual reasons and lack of sense of responsibility, have you ever read the current job description? But let me back up for a second.
The other day I saw a Larry King interview with Lionel and Nichole Richie. Not my usual fare, but it was on somewhere I was at.
I was intrigued by a question that was posed. Larry King asked Lionel Richie about interview comments in which he said he didn't think he was a good dad to Nichole when she was younger. Lionel responded that it depended on how you viewed being a dad. By the standards of his father's generation, when dad was seen as a provider, then yes he felt he was a good dad, but by today's standards, when a dad is supposed to put in quality hours with their kids everyday, then no. He's right about today's standards. Heck, I even heard an ad to that affect on the radio this morning, brought to you by the Department of Health and Human Services.
Now back to my rant. My dad was a good dad. No a great dad. He gave up his dreams of farming to follow two job transfers that provided for his family. Leaving behind everything he had ever known. He juggled credit and bills to give us a good standard of living, and he coached me in Little League and supported me in every sport I played. However, he wasn't my best buddy and he didn't spend countless hours with me each week. He worked, he worked the family garden, and some of my fondest childhood memories involve me at an early age helping cut wood to fuel the family fireplace to no doubt keep down the energy bills. He was a traditional dad in every sense of the word. One that sustained and built and supported families and this country from its colonial days until the 1990's.
Now I and my counterparts are expected to shoulder those burdens, plus spend hours coloring, reinforcing how much we care, nurturing, etc., etc. You know to be honest, I've cracked a few times under the load. I love my children more than anything in this world. I would give my last breath to see them saved if it came to that, but trying to live up to the modern standards of fatherhood, while fulfilling the traditional role of a dad is fatiguing. I can't even take a night to play sports anymore without wondering if I'm taking too much of my very limited free time away from my kids.
So maybe this is just a personal rant. Perhaps it is TMI, and too honest and raw for publishing to the whole world, but its the truth. At least as it applies to me. Maybe I'm just weak, or maladjusted, or whacko. Maybe others feel the same way. I don't know, but I'm convinced that given the current expectations of fatherhood, it is no wonder that many men fail to follow up on their obligations, or even give up and run away.
For those of us who were kids in the '80s and before, our dad's were the product of a long line of dad's who provided for their families, and those provisions were an indication of their love for their families. Yes their was laughter and fun and all the other stuff mixed in, but job one was that of provider. From that model came generations that forged a new life on America's ever westward moving frontiers, that shouldered the burdens on both sides of the ideology that divided a nation, that fought two world wars and slogged through the Great Depression. From that model emerged a prosperous post war America, that fought for Civil Rights, that took a stand against a war they thought was wrong, that put a man on the moon, that stood its ground until the cold war ended and the Berlin Wall fell, and then that model was deemed a failure. That model was then replaced by the new and improved dad. A model that has gotten us to where we're at today.
It's late, I'm not spell checking or proofing, hopefully you can follow my line of thought, perhaps you agree, perhaps you disagree, but either way I've "vented my spleen" and so in the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I've got ta say 'bout that."
Good night
03 June 2009
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6 comments:
i love my job!! but, as a mom, i find the same kinds of things. i work bc i want to go do lots of things (just read my blog) and spend lots of money and i know that it is my choice. however, i must still (although i am very blessed with how much daniel helps!) do all the womanly duties around our house, take care of both kids and my husband, work full time all while working out so i can remain HOT! (HA HA!) and in good shape and health...also for my family. it is a tough job not to be taken lightly. it is a big responsibility and i am very thankful God trusts me to do such. it can be very overwhelming at times! your a great dad....cut yourself some slack!
Thanks Alicia,
I'm not too disappointed with who I am as a Dad, but the measurements that society uses to determine who is a good Dad or not is my opinion whacked, so it is hard sometimes to guage.
My rant was in no way meant to paint men as having it rougher than women in the parenting department, however I do find it funny how even ladies who know my job's travel requirements, and the fact it allows Jina to stay home with the kids question why I may or may not do this or that to help out around the house, or insinuate that I should help out with the kids to cut Jina a break...let's just say I bite my tongue a lot.
By the way, I do sympathize with women. For some reason men are allowed to go grey, get chubby, and it gets overlooked. All the while you ladies are suppose to bear children, when necessary work to help provide, cook, clean, and at the end of the day you better be one smoking hot "mama" as depicted on the mag covers and able to compete with the model that just appeared in the beer commercial...honestly...sometimes y'all should just kick us to the curb.
ha ha ha!! maybe i will think of kicking daniel!! :) just kidding, honey!
6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up...20 In the future, when your son asks you, "What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?" 21 tell him..." - Deut. 6
If we pass on character and integrity and trust in the Lord alone...if we protect from corruption and evil...if we pass on our faith, we will have done well.
Providing means many things, IMHO. I don't provide much more than food, shelter and clothing. I don't make much money and don't have it as a goal. A decent vacation maybe every OTHER year. We don't have as much as some, but we don't have debt (cars or credit cards) and I'm able to be with my family as much as possible. I get one shot at this "passing on my faith" thing. It's most important. Primary.
I think too many men have been caught up in American materialism and have overbought, causing them to work more than one job to support the family. So dads are absentee quite often while putting toys in the room and HDTV's on the wall. Moms work and daycare/ schools raise the kids. And kids are left to the lessons they learn from society and current culture.
That's not you, but it is the majority of our culture.
OK, 'nuff of MY rant on YOUR page :-)
I understand the strain. I'm blessed- my job allows from flexibility and proximity. I work 55 hours/week 3 seasons of the year, but I work at home or near home most of the time.
In the end, if you follow Jesus and have a clean conscience, then screw what other people say...
we talk about that too. daniel could work more...nights, weekends but what kind of "family" would that really be!! i love that he has flexibililty in his job and we can spend LOTS of time together...all four of us. it's my fav past time! :)
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